FTW.

-_____-

Pahah! I hate it when I speak to soon!

RAWR. I simply don't understand why I'm always in such a rush to establish things. I think I'm beginning to realize what it is I have to do for myself before I try and tie myself down even more. I'm now enrolled at Everest college. Flipping FINALLY. I should be going back to work in about two weeks. Rover, my 2003 red Toyota Celica, should be arriving around monday afternoon. Everything is basically falling into place and I couldn't be happier.

Wow, I really don't need a guy to make me happy. lol Definitely on my way to becoming Ms. Independent.

I love it. <3

what the hellll

is going on now!?

why does everything keep changing?? i really wish there was some consistency in my life. i wanna try and see where this can go, but i don't want to waste my time, yenno? rawr. i guess that's just an inevitable risk.

so far, it's just been different.. i'm completely out of my element, only because i've always been the 'bold' one and the one taking the lead. i honestly don't know what to expect. & everything that we've found out about eachother-- is it all just a coincidence? reallllyyy, it's suuuuper trippy.

this time, i'll defffffinitely take it slow. [that is IF it goes past a second date], just because i've failed twice before only because of my impatience.

third time's a charm, right?

these lyrics were in my head today... maybe because it was valentine's day..

"i need love, love to ease my mind. i need to find, find someone to call mine, but mama said, 'you can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait. you need to just give it time, no matter how long it takes."

i promise though, i'm one of the good ones.

effff

valentine's day.

wow. my first one absolutely single since like the 7th grade! lmao. kinda funny when i think about it.. kinda. somehow i'm still expecting something, anything.. yet, i know i'm gunna end up disappointed and crying my eyes out in drive-thru sunday night. LOL

i really don't know what to do. i feel bad for myself, because i do realize that i spend money i could be saving but the time i actually get to spend with him is priceless.. he's right when he tells me to not spend, but i feel so shot down and rejected when he doesn't want me to get him anything or buy food. money means nothing to me.

i'm doing it all over again. i'm trying so hard not to be persistant, but i can't help it. i know he sees that i'm trying. i miss him so much it hurts. it kills me to see aiden have to go back and forth and i feel even worse when i stop by and watch how aiden behaves at his house, like when he's with me, he's away for just the weekend and he'll be back home in a few days.

i can see that you're keeping everything inside. hopefully you give in soon. i promise i won't let you go. <3

dear john.

i'm stuck, but only because i choose to be.

i'm definitely trying to do this one day at a time but it's difficult to make any plans for the future when i don't necessarily know where i'm gunna be or who's gunna still be around.

i wish you'd give me some reassurance. reassurance that everything will be okay between us. that there is still hope. that i have something to work towards. ugh, here i go being impatient again. i'll really try to relax, but you know me like the back of your hand by now..

"i'll see you soon."

... hopefully.